


love is watching someone die

by bookbug99



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 10:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12479500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookbug99/pseuds/bookbug99
Summary: Keyleth waits for a thousand years.





	love is watching someone die

She lives for a thousand years more. It is not, and never will be, enough.

***

Keyleth creates a memorial for Vax. It is hidden in the woods of Zephra, where leaves hide civilization and ravens fly. The place where her and Vax kissed, away from the rest of the world.

She builds an altar, decorates it with shining leaves. In the funeral customs of the Ashari, it is important to bring back nature to the dead. Vex says that half-elves do not have funeral customs of their own, but brings one of her blue feathers to his grave. They build a tombstone here, with only mementos to remember Vax’ildan’s life. 

She visits the tombstone often. Keyleth does not cry. She has shed all her tears. Instead, she talks to him. She watches the ravens fly overhead. She brings gifts from the Ashari and gifts from her travels across the continent.

Some days, she swears that she sees him in a raven flying across the sky.

***

“Percy,” Keyleth says. “How do -- I don’t understand grief. How do you move on?” Out of everyone, she thinks, Percy will understand.

He sighs. He adjusts his glasses. “There isn’t any way to move on,” he says. “I understand that better than anyone. The people you love will always be there, and they will always be gone. The best thing to do is remember.”

“Remember,” Keyleth says.

“Celebrate their lives. Remember who they were and why you loved them.” Percy sighs. “That is how I can remember my family.” His voice breaks, and Keyleth wraps her best friend in a hug.

She is not the only one grieving.

***

Some days Keyleth dreams up futures.

She watches her friends get married, start families, move across the continent. She wishes that had been her and Vax.

They had never discussed marriage, never had time to, and only had time to confess love. Keyleth imagines an Ashari ceremony, her hair braided in lilies, standing before everyone they loved and reciting the prayers of marriage.

She watches Vex become pregnant, and Pike sheepishly admit the same, and soon there are beautiful babies. Keyleth is a proud auntie, and she will babysit them whenever they ask and even manages to make certain none of the children die (incidents with paint notwithstanding).

Vex and Percy’s babies look so much like Vax. Sometimes looking at them is unbearable.

Vax would have been an incredible father, everyone agrees. Some days Keyleth imagines what their children would have looked like, redheaded quarter-elves with a proficiency in swear-words and elemental magics. The image hurts too much to even consider.

_ Kiki, _ she hears Vax saying,  _ after this is all over, we’ll return home and begin again. _

They never did.

***

She did not want to grow old alone.

***

Keyleth tells Vax’s story. She tells the story of Vox Machina, so no one will ever forget. She recruits Pike and Scanlan, who write songs and sonnets and prayers. Vex writes of her childhood. Kaylie Shorthalt, who now lives halfway across Exandria with her wife, visits and writes a memorial sonata. 

Keyleth writes their story. She writes of trudging through the Underdark, adventuring through Whitestone in winter, the slaying of the Chroma Conclave, their descent into the deepest pits of hell. She writes so that no one will ever forget their sacrifice. So no one will ever forget how they saved the world and lost so many things in return.

She will not allow anyone to forget. Stories are a way to pass on memory, and if Keyleth will live for a thousand years more, she wants the world to know her memories.

***

“Aunt Keyleth?” There’s a knock on the door, and Keyleth turns. Elaina is standing there. Vex and Percy’s eldest daughter is nearly twenty, and she has been training to take over her family’s legacy as the ruler of Whitestone.

She has Vex’s sarcasm and Percy’s biting wit. She is a perfect blend of them both, named for the twins’ mother. Legacies are passed on every day. Keyleth admires Elaina: she is brilliant, her niece, and the daughter of two of the people she loves most in the world. Most of all, Elaina reminds her of a younger version of herself, inheriting an impossible legacy.

“I have a question for you,” Elaina says. Her braid flutters in the wind, and she takes a seat at the desk.

“Of course, anytime.” Keyleth grins.

“Well, I know you’re incredibly busy,” Elaina says. “But I was talking to my mom. She said that when you were first training to be headmaster, you were nervous.” Keyleth stifles a laugh. Nervous was an understatement. She had been terrified.

“I was terrified,” she admits. “I didn’t know what I was doing. I was afraid I would let down my people and be nothing more than a failure.” Elaina’s face shutters. She looks like Percy, stoic and determined.

“I learned,” Keyleth says. She remembers Raishan, the way she destroyed the dragon in an instant. She remembers condemning Vecna. “I learned to understand the limits and challenges of my power. I learned how to gain confidence in my abilities. It simply all takes time.”

She has time. Vax never had time.

“What’s the best lesson you learned?” Elaina asks, and she sounds so young. Keyleth wants to tell the truth.

_ Everyone you love will die. _

_ There is no way to avoid sacrifice. _

_ You cannot save everyone. _

_ Families are pieced together through long-forgotten tragedies. _

_ Victory and defeat are often the same thing. _

_ You will fail miserably. _

That is not what Keyleth says. Instead, she smiles and says: “Find people you can trust. Lean on the people you love during your hardest times.”

Elaina nods. “Thank you, Aunt Kiki.”

“Always,” Keyleth says.

Elaina will be an incredible leader someday.

***

Why did they waste so much time? Why did it take so long for them to admit they loved each other?

In the end, all they ever had was stolen hours, secret kisses, and goodbyes.

_ I love you, Vax. _

***

Keyleth takes special care of the ravens that flutter by. She does not know if they are a sign, a message from the Raven Queen. It does not matter. Caring for these birds is her responsibility.

***

“I love you,” Vex says. Keyleth hugs her. They are sitting in a meadow. It is the twins’ birthday.

There was a party earlier, where all the children played and danced. Grog read stories, there was a cake, and everyone clapped. Now it is time for the memorial. It is Vax’s birthday, too.

“I love you,” Keyleth says, wrapping an arm around Vex. She hears Vex breathing in against her shoulder, the sound of soft tears. “I love you.”

This is how they remember. This is how they won’t forget. They stay there and watch the meadow, the ravens overhead and the sound of a river rushing in the distance.

Vex is Keyleth’s sister. Not just because they are bounded in loss, but because they have grown together. Because they saved the world a thousand times over. They are and will always be family.

***

The older Keyleth gets, the more she understands her mother’s choices.

***

She outlives everyone. She watches their children grow older. 

Keyleth sits in front of gravestones and tells stories to Pike and Scanlan and Vex and Percy and Grog. It is only a matter of time.

She visits Vax’s memorial. She feeds the ravens. She tells him stories of the nieces and nephews he never got to meet. She tells him stories of the past, of the journeys they traveled together. She tells him that he is remembered. The legendary Vax’ildan, of Vox Machina.

Keyleth waits. She watches the sky. She learns to live with loss.

It is only a matter of time.


End file.
